I just got back from an out of town school visit and I learned a number of things. First, my husband's truck does NOT like snow OR ice - probably wouldn't do well in a Jell-o spill either now that I think of it. Second, giant rocks can come hurtling down from hillsides without warning, playing cosmic bowling where you're one of the pins. But on this trip the rocks bowled a big fat gutterball. Ha! In your face, rocks!

I learned that there is now one Great Dane puppy in the world named after yours truly. World, meet Lola Snowflake Coffelt.

I also rediscovered the joys of a hotel room all to myself, fuzzy bathrobes that I didn't have to launder and gracious hosts that treated me like royalty. And when I told them that they had treated me like royalty, looked at me funny and said, "Well, you are."

Wow.

Well, sure. I'll concede that I'm the princess of perfectly fried chicken. I totally rule when it comes to Scrabble. I am most definitely a legend in my own mind when it comes to tennis. But royalty? Real royalty? Me?

However, last night at the school family event I think that I may just have been convinced about the whole royalty thing.

I am now the official queen of drawing evil flying wiener dogs.


Part of my family night presentations consists of me drawing each kid there an animal of their choice. I get the usual requests for kittens, monkeys, unicorns and dragons. But this night was different. I was surrounded by kids, rethinking my strategy of sitting on the floor. Visions of a block of cheddar being overrun by teeming mice raced through my head. I took a breath. Children in these numbers cease to be a number at all. Instead, they become a thing - a clot of children, a sea of children, an airless blanket of children with no awareness of, I don't know - personal space.

The first request was a surprise. "I want a wiener dog," the boy asked.

"Great," I answered as I began to draw.

His hand shot out and covered mine. "No," he insisted. "It has to be an evil wiener dog."

"Gotcha." I drew a wiener dog glaring malevolently and handed it over. He handed it back.

"It has to fly."

After that, it was all evil flying wiener dogs all the time. The kids were happy and I had gained a new title. Now, no matter what life throws at me these days I know who I truly am.

I am a queen- Queen of the Evil Flying Wiener Dogs.